If you are just joining us on our journey, we have just had a baby boy via c-section and spent 3 lovely days in the hospital. On Monday afternoon March 31st. We were discharged from Labor and Delivery and made our way home as a family of three (5 if you count the fur children). This is where the story gets a little bit scary.
Everything was seemingly great when we arrived home from the hospital that evening. We were happy to have Emerson home and try to start and figure out how to take care of a newborn without killing either him or each other. My mother was staying with us the first few days to help us settle in and also provide some relief so we could rest some. (it is hard to really get good rest in at the hospital after you have just had a baby p.s.) Around 2 in the morning I woke up from a dead sleep...not because the baby was crying, he was sound asleep in his sleeper next to where I was sleeping on the couch...I woke up because my heart was racing, like pounding out of my chest, and I was very short of breath. I woke my mom up and told her that something wasn't right. She just said to try and calm down and see if my heart would stop racing so fast. To which I said, no, something isn't right we need to do something. So we decided that we should get to the ER and quickly...or at least I decided that...no lie I felt like I was going to pass out, but it was different...I thought oh my gosh I feel like I'm dying. So we scooped up my 4 going on 5 day old, threw some things in a diaper bag, and Mom, Michael, Emerson, and I drove as fast as we could to the ER. I was terrified. I was thinking I just had this beautiful baby and now something is wrong, I might not be ok. Longest drive ever!!!
We pulled in and I got out of the car and went straight in. If you say something is wrong with your heart at the ER they attend to you post haste. They took my vitals and my resting heart rate was in the 130s. So needless to say I was admitted quickly. There were lots of theories of what could be wrong with me. The first that they checked for was a blood clot in my lungs. I had a CT scan which showed no blood clot, but I had fluid on my lungs. Now pneumonia is something that can happen to women who have had c-section, so they thought that it could possibly be that, but they were still very concerned with my heart activity. They wanted to admit me to treat me for pneumonia and send me for an echocardiogram. I was so upset. I bawled because what was I going to do with my brand new baby who was nursing if I had to be admitted. I asked if they could put me in labor and delivery so I would at least know that Emerson was in a less germ infested part of the hospital and there were things that could be used to help care for him there. Plus I had literally just left there hours earlier. My really rude nurse informed that she knew I probably would like to go there because they had the nice swanky rooms but I couldn't. To which I informed her that it had nothing to do with the swankyness of my room, but simply my concern for my newborn baby. To which she replied I know what you are saying cause I have 5 kids, but no. To which I responded, well I have 5 children too and he is the only one that I have been able to bring home, so I am sorry if I am overly worried about his health! I was so worked up and upset and hormonal that I really could have hauled off and slapped her because she was sooooo rude. I understood why I couldn't be admitted to labor and delivery. It was for people "having" babies and I had already had mine...it wasn't a pregnancy issue. So I was admitted to the regular, nasty, germ ridden part of the hospital in spite of lots of tears and many objections.
At first we were going to have Emerson stay with Michael and I at the hospital. After all how was he going to eat if he wasn't with me, but after my echocardiogram the plans changed. You see they saw that something looked off with my mitral valve but because of all the extra fluid and blood in my body from pregnancy and delivery they couldn't get a clear look. The cardiologist wanted to do a transesophageal echocardiogram. Basically they were going to make me really groggy and stick an ultrasound probe down my esophagus into my stomach to look at my heart. The medicine they give to make you groggy was not recommended to be given to Emerson through my milk, so we had to make the decision to supplement him with formula for 48 hrs until it was totally out of my system. As if being in the hospital wasn't enough of a blow to my new mom spirits, this sure took the wind out of my sails. It was not what I wanted at all, but it was what we had to do. Once the decision was made to supplement, we decided that it was best for Emerson to not be in the hospital, so he left with my parents to go home until I was able to go home.
Knife. In. My. Heart.
How do you say goodbye indefinitely to your 5 day old baby that you prayed for and waited for, for 2 years? At this point Michael and I were very defeated. We pretty much cried all night and slept very little. The only bright spot was when the cardiologist told us that if it looked to be my mitral valve that was the problem on the TEE we would be going home the next day because now wouldn't be the time we would do anything about it, so there would be nothing to keep us in the hospital.
As suspected from the echo, there was something not normal about my mitral valve. One of the leaflets(flaps that open and close) appeared to be stretched and the two leaflets were not closing all the way together. But they were very close. This could have been caused by pregnancy and delivery or it could have always been like that and aggravated by pregnancy. There is no way to tell other than to give my body time to recover from being pregnant. So, they let me go home to do just that. Recover from pregnancy and revisit the issue in a few months.
I was so happy to get home that next afternoon and see my baby, but I still couldn't nurse him and that was hard. Knowing that something could potential be wrong with my heart permanently was also hard to deal with while also dealing with my postpartum hormones. The first few weeks home were really hard for me because I still felt really defeated. Defeated because my body had failed me, defeated because being a mom is hard, and defeated because instead of feeling warm and fuzzy about motherhood I found myself feeling like I wanted to go back to my old life at times...postpartum is rough enough on it's own and with another health issue in the mix I was not in my right mind for a bit...BUT I turned a corner around 4-5 weeks and things have been heavenly since!
In spite of all the trouble, stress, and hard times Emerson was always so resilient! He went right back to nursing like a pro and has really thrived breast feeding. He is growing so big and strong and he is a healthy boy and at the end of the day THAT is what matters! So we thank God for that and for helping us to see just how special and important that is.
I mean really who couldn't love him to complete pieces!
I mean really who couldn't love him to complete pieces! 
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