Baby E is 2 Months Old!!

Baby E is 2 months old today!!! 

Where does the time go? Seriously? I cannot believe that this little cutie has been in our lives for 2 entire months. It doesn't really seem possible, but here we are! I totally missed blogging about him turning a month old (mommy fail), things were quite crazy around our house at that time, so I am making up for it now! So here is a little bit about our little guy, who I am sure you have grown tired of seeing blow up your newsfeeds, but I can't help it!

What do I like?

Well, he is genuinely a very happy baby and likes most things, but there are a few things that are at the top of his list. He LOVES being outside! Whether it is taking a walk, swinging on the porch swing, standing in the driveway, checking the mail, if it is an outside activity this guy is there! He also loves being carried in the Moby wrap. He is starting to enjoy swinging in his swing for longer periods of time, this is a big change from month one! His big fav from day one....the ceiling fan in our living room...dude will stare at it all day..and I am pretty sure it was the recipient of his first smile. He loves taking a bath...like loves it!  He also is a big fan of EATING!!!

What do I dislike?

Well he is not the biggest fan of his car seat, which makes going places difficult for his mother...but we did get this really cool light up, music playing mirror that has helped some. He hates being swaddled but he has to suck it up at night for sleep. We do a little trickery with a drowsy swaddle. He used to really dislike his lotion rub down but he has learned to like it if and only if it is administered by his daddy! Other than that I can't really think of much else that really bugs this guy...not getting fed the second he gets hungry maybe...haha

Speaking of food...

What do I eat and When do I sleep?

We have recently kind of fallen into a loose schedule. I haven't really started trying to get us into a set schedule or routine just yet. We will start moving that way in the next month or so. But,we usually start our day around 6-7. He gets up and nurses and then we play and talk a little. About an hour after he wakes up he is ready to go down for a nap. He typically naps 2-2 1/2 hours during this first nap. He then wakes up and we do it all again. Not all of his naps are 2 hours they kind of tapper off in length as the day goes on, until bedtime. Where he will sleep anywhere from 5-6 hours his first stretch of sleep. We generally stick to no more than 2 hours of wakefulness at a time before going down for a nap, but he doesn't usually make it 2 hours.One thing that we do stick to is his bed  time routine. We have had a bedtime routine since he was about 2 weeks old and it seems to have really helped him with that first stretch of nighttime sleep. E nurses pretty much 7-8 times a day. Most days he will take one bottle of expressed breast milk either from his dad or his Gigi if she is watching him. Dad used to do one of the middle of the night feedings, but hasn't had to recently since he has been only waking once in the middle of the night. He really likes his liquid gold as we call it....as you can see...he is getting chubby...I like it.

Speaking of getting chubby...

What do I weigh and how long/tall am I?

He weighs 11 lbs 8 oz! I know right! That is a weight gain of over 4lbs in a month and a half! He is 24 inches long. He can't really squeeze into newborn clothes anymore...he fits 0-3 month outfits pretty well and can wear most straight 3 month outfits but some are still a little big. He's a growing boy!

What can I do?

He can smile! He smiles A LOT, which we love. He is really starting to coo and talk to us. He can pick up and turn his head from side to side when laying on his tummy. He can lay on his tummy and push himself up to his forearms and hold his head up for quite a bit. He can also hold his head up and turn it from side to side if you are holding him up on your shoulder. He seems to be fairly strong and to have a fairly strong set of shoulders and neck.

He did get to take another road trip this past weekend to Branson to visit with his mema(great grandma) He was an ok car rider...not so great on the way there, but pretty good on the way back. Here is a pic of him in a happy mood in the car!

 I mean does it get much cuter?!

All in all he is a typical healthy growing 2 month old boy! We love him dearly and couldn't ask for a better guy to call ours! Enjoy some baby E pics...i know they all generally look the same, but like I said I can't help it!

So....I Had a Baby...Seven Weeks Ago Part 2

I believe I left off at a pivotal point in the story that is the birth of Emerson and his first week of life. So here comes part 2.

If you are just joining us on our journey, we have just had a baby boy via c-section and spent 3 lovely days in the hospital. On Monday afternoon March 31st. We were discharged from Labor and Delivery and made our way home as a family of three (5 if  you count the fur children). This is where the story gets a little bit scary.

Everything was seemingly great when we arrived home from the hospital that evening. We were happy to have Emerson home and try to start and figure out how to take care of a newborn without killing either him or each other. My mother was staying with us the first few days to help us settle in and also provide some relief so we could rest some. (it is hard to really get good rest in at the hospital after you have just had a baby p.s.) Around 2 in the morning I woke up from a dead sleep...not because the baby was crying, he was sound asleep in his sleeper next to where I was sleeping on the couch...I woke up because my heart was racing, like pounding out of my chest, and I was very short of breath. I woke my mom up and told her that something wasn't right. She just said to try and calm down and see if my heart would stop racing so fast. To which I said, no, something isn't right we need to do something. So we decided that we should get to the ER and quickly...or at least I decided that...no lie I felt like I was going to pass out, but it was different...I thought oh my gosh I feel like I'm dying. So we scooped up my 4 going on 5 day old, threw some things in a diaper bag, and Mom, Michael, Emerson, and I drove as fast as we could to the ER. I was terrified. I was thinking I just had this beautiful baby and now something is wrong, I might not be ok. Longest drive ever!!!

We pulled in and I got out of the car and went straight in. If you say something is wrong with your heart at the ER they attend to you post haste. They took my vitals and my resting heart rate was in the 130s. So needless to say I was admitted quickly. There were lots of theories of what could be wrong with me. The first that they checked for was a blood clot in my lungs. I had a CT scan which showed no blood clot, but I had fluid on my lungs. Now pneumonia is something that can happen to women who have had c-section, so they thought that it could possibly be that, but they were still very concerned with my heart activity. They wanted to admit me to treat me for pneumonia and send me for an echocardiogram. I was so upset. I bawled because what was I going to do with my brand new baby who was nursing if I had to be admitted. I asked if they could put me in labor and delivery so I would at least know that Emerson was in a less germ infested part of the hospital and there were things that could be used to help care for him there. Plus I had literally just left there hours earlier. My really rude nurse informed that she knew I probably would like to go there because they had the nice swanky rooms but I couldn't. To which I informed her that it had nothing to do with the swankyness of my room, but simply my concern for my newborn baby. To which she replied I know what you are saying cause I have 5 kids, but no. To which I responded, well I have 5 children too and he is the only one that I have been able to bring home, so I am sorry if I am overly worried about his health! I was so worked up and upset and hormonal that I really could have hauled off and slapped her because she was sooooo rude. I understood why I couldn't be admitted to labor and delivery. It was for people "having" babies and I had already had mine...it wasn't a pregnancy issue. So I was admitted to the regular, nasty, germ ridden part of the hospital in spite of lots of tears and many objections.

At first we were going to have Emerson stay with Michael and I at the hospital. After all how was he going to eat if he wasn't with me, but after my echocardiogram the plans changed. You see they saw that something looked off with my mitral valve but because of all the extra fluid and blood in my body from pregnancy and delivery they couldn't get  a clear look. The cardiologist wanted to do a transesophageal echocardiogram. Basically they were going to make me really groggy and stick an ultrasound probe down my esophagus into my stomach to look at my heart. The medicine they give to make you groggy was not recommended to be given to Emerson through my milk, so we had to make the decision to supplement him with formula for 48 hrs until it was totally out of my system. As if being in the hospital wasn't enough of a blow to my new mom spirits, this sure took the wind out of my sails. It was not what I wanted at all, but it was what we had to do. Once the decision was made to supplement, we decided that it was best for Emerson to not be in the hospital, so he left with my parents to go home until I was able to go home. 

Knife. In. My. Heart.

How do you say goodbye indefinitely to your 5 day old baby that you prayed for and waited for, for 2 years? At this point Michael and I were very defeated. We pretty much cried all night and slept very little. The only bright spot was when the cardiologist told us that if it looked to be my mitral valve that was the problem on the TEE we would be going home the next day because  now wouldn't be the time we would do anything about it, so there would be nothing to keep us in the hospital. 

As suspected from the echo, there was something not normal about my mitral valve. One of the leaflets(flaps that open and close) appeared to be stretched and the two leaflets were not closing all the way together. But they were very close. This could have been caused by pregnancy and delivery or it could have always been like that and aggravated by pregnancy. There is no way to tell other than to give my body time to recover from being pregnant. So, they let me go home to do just that. Recover from pregnancy and revisit the issue in a few months. 

I was so happy to get home that next afternoon and see my baby, but I still couldn't nurse him and that was hard. Knowing that something could potential be wrong with my heart permanently was also hard to deal with while also dealing with my postpartum hormones. The first few weeks home were really hard for me because I still felt really defeated. Defeated because my body had failed me, defeated because being a mom is hard, and defeated because instead of feeling warm and fuzzy about motherhood I found myself feeling like I wanted to go back to my old life at times...postpartum is rough enough on it's own and with another health issue in the mix I was not in my right mind for a bit...BUT I turned a corner around 4-5 weeks and things have been heavenly since! 

In spite of all the trouble, stress, and hard times Emerson was always so resilient! He went right back to nursing like a pro and has really thrived breast feeding. He is growing so big and strong and he is a healthy boy and at the end of the day THAT is what matters! So we thank God for that and for helping us to see just how special and important that is. 

I mean really who couldn't love him to complete pieces! 

Sooo...I Had a Baby...7 Weeks Ago...

I do believe the last we spoke I had a tiny human residing in my abdomen...and now...I don't. So much has happened in our lives since I last blogged (which was over two months ago..eeekk) but I promise I haven't been MIA for no good reason! I really have so much in my mind that I want to share with you all like...the things no one really tells you about delivery and the days shortly after, the first month of life with a newborn (it's not all gumdrops and roses and dancing through the tulips with your sweet cherub like baby...things get real when you mix sleep deprivation with hormones and crying babies, but I digress), and some of my thoughts on experiencing my first mother's day as an Earthly momma. BUT I think I should start with Emerson's birth story...as anticlimactic as the actual birth may be, the week thereafter sure makes up for it!

So for those of you who didn't already know, I had a scheduled c-section. Gasp! The horror! Why ever would you do that? Well because when myself, Michael and Dr. Bell put everything out on the table and had a discussion about it, a c-section was the best option for a good outcome. You see, because of all of my complications (see the several previous posts) it was recommended by my MFM doctor and Dr. Bell that I deliver at 39 weeks. Still term, but not taking chances for something else to crop up late in my pregnancy. Now most of you are probably thinking "Ok, still no need for a c-section, just induce, right?" Well, as luck would have it, at my 39 week appointment I had not dilated at all...like nothing and my cervix was still very high and very, very thick, like still measurable on ultrasound 3 days prior. Now I could have chosen to induce and give it a go, but because my body was not anywhere near ready to push little E out itself, I would have most likely ended up with an emergency c-section. Dr. Bell felt like that would be a lot of stress on a baby that had already endured a lot of stress  in utero, hence the decision to go ahead with the c-section.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't want a c-section. I was fully prepared to have this baby the good old fashioned way, I was even going to give the un-medicated route a try, but it wasn't in the cards for me. At first I had a lot of mixed emotions about it. I was obviously scared at the thought of major surgery(and the spinal...blek), I felt robbed of the opportunity to let my body try and do what it was made for, I also felt like I was less of a woman so to speak because I did not feel a single contraction, like I have no idea what labor feels like, I have a baby and I have no idea what labor feels like...it all messes with your head at first. Now I mainly just feel grateful that I was able to bring a child into the world no matter how it happened. And trust me...a c-section is no walk in the park, ok...that ish hurts!

Anyway back to the birth. We were scheduled for surgery at 9:00 A.M. on Friday March 28th. We arrived at the hospital at 6:30 in the a.m. to check-in and and start the process of all the pre-op stuff you have to do(I really don't remember much between the time we got there and the time we headed to the OR). A little after 9 my nurse(who was awesome that first day) came in to wheel me to the OR. I was all kinds of nervous, but true to form I concealed it well and smiled and laughed with the nurses and anesthesiologist while he prepared to give me the spinal block. I was having an internal panic attack and had all kinds of thoughts going through my head during the spinal,  but mainly I was just really scared he would botch the thing and I would be paralyzed. Once he injected his "medicine" my legs were immediately numb and heavy. It was insane how fast it worked. The nurses had to help lift my lower extremities back onto the table because my leggies no worky at that point and I was freaking out! After that Dr. Bell came in, the sheet went up and they went to work. I would say it was about 15 min after they had started the surgery, that they started to press on my upper abdomen and I felt like I was suffocating, I could not breath. Moments later I heard the most beautiful sound to ever grace my ears, screaming, crying. Emerson Michael Bradley had finally, after so much praying and hoping by so many, arrived at 9:38 in the morning. I was bawling and Dr. Bell was looking over the sheet telling us congratulations. Then Michael started to try and peek at him while they were cleaning him up to see if he had red hair...he didn't and still doesn't. They brought him over shortly after we heard his screams and I got to kiss his sweet face and lay eyes on him for the first time, he was gorgeous (still is). Then they whisked Michael and Emerson away to the nursery and I was all alone while they put me back together...this was the worst part of the entire process. Alone during the longest part of the procedure and away from your newly born child. It was torture basically. BUT, he was here and I was thankful.

After all was finished up in the OR I got wheeled to recovery, where I stayed for almost an hour. Michael came back and showed me tons of pictures and his footprints, which was nice, but I really wanted to hold my baby. As soon as I was cleared for take off from recovery they wheeled me to my room and not 3 min later they brought Emerson in so I could hold him but also so he could try and nurse. He latched on the very first time like a pro, and really has been a great eater ever since. 

Those three days in the hospital seemed magical really. Emerson was here, he was ours, he was perfect. We were surrounded by people who loved us and had prayed for us and Emerson diligently for months. We never would have guessed that just 24 hours after we left the hospital we would be right back in it...but since this post is forever long already I will save all of my other health issues for another post...

until then enjoy some hospital pics of E cause really he is the prettiest, most handsome of them all...but I may be a little biased.

What now? Trials of a high risk pregnancy

So, I am writing this new post from the comfort of my bed...where I am currently spending the remainder of this pregnancy. Yes, you guessed it...I am on bed rest...again. So, here is the low down on the bed rest this time. It all goes back to Tuesday. I hadn't been feeling E move as much as my doctor had said I should be, so per his orders I called him and they said to come in. So we went through the standard appointment procedure, weight, pee in cup, and for me get hooked up to the monitor for a NST (non stress test). Basically this is like the heart rate monitor that they hook you up to in labor and delivery but with a little button for me to hit when I feel baby move. Normally a baby's heart rate will vary greatly over the course of the test accelerating and decelerating, going up and down. The print out should look like a heart rate roller coaster with peeks and valleys kind of. Well E still wasn't moving and his heart rate was holding steady in the 120s so they had to buzz my belly to try and get a reaction from him. It helped his heart rate, but he still wasn't moving, so they buzzed again and still little movement, but since is heart rate was responsive to the sound they decided he was just having a lazy day. They sent me on my way because I had an appointment scheduled for Thursday.

Fast forward 2 days...show up for my appointment go through the standard procedures weight, pee in cup, blood pressure, monitor...well firstly I had gained 4 lbs in 2 days...like that is not normal for anyone, and my blood pressure was high....uh oh...this is what we had been watching for the entire 3rd trimester,but so far had had no signs creep up on us until now. Toxemia...is what they think it could be...so we receive instructions on how to do the 24 hr urine collection to check for protein and yes, you guessed it, put on strict bed rest for the duration. Because I have not dilated at all....bummer...and my cervix is still thick...double bummer...Dr. Bell said I was a poor candidate for induction on Thursday because we were all like can we just get him out already...and he wasn't willing to do a c section before 39 weeks until he knew the severity of what we are dealing with...darn having a doctor who likes babies to cook the full time...I'm kidding. So bed rest it is. 

We go back on Monday for another biophysical profile ultrasound...which I am assuming is more to see if he is ready to come out than stay in...if it turns out that I have toxemia and E looks good and cooked, I am assuming that we will be scheduled either for induction or c section for Tuesday...it will depend on my body and how and if it starts to look like it is ready to do this labor thing. Truth be told I am terrified of a c section, but if it is what we have to do to get E here safely then I guess that is what we will do. 

So barring him just deciding to get his act together and come on his own between now and Tuesday...it looks like Tuesday is the earliest we could have a baby....I will be 39 weeks Tuesday I should also add. Anyway right now it is just a waiting game...a very trying and difficult waiting game...but hopefully E will be here safe and healthy next week.

Entering the Final Countdown

     Sorry I have such a hard time staying super current blogger world...I mean I can't even manage the "weekly" update thing. That is why I really enjoy that Facebook app that just updates every week with what is suppose to be going on during that week in the life a pregnant lady, and I can just be all like "yeah, what that thing said...kind of" But seriously I feel like I just can't keep my head on straight...there is SO MUCH TO DO!! But most days and afternoons and evenings all I really want to do is sleep...but even that has gotten to be a little difficult to do too....I mean between working for the next 3 1/2 weeks, planning for a long term sub, getting myself somewhat in a happy place with my national board entries, organizing then reorganizing and then reorganizing everything in Emerson's room, closet, dresser....and feeling the urge to just burn my house down and start over with something new and already clean and organized to perfection, I can't keep my whits about me. Most days I give up and sit on the couch eating chips ahoy cookies...with milk.

     Basically life is really crazy right now, and yes I know "look out for what's coming!" I know it only gets crazier and more hectic and sleep more elusive than now. But come on ya"ll join me in my pity party for how out of control I feel right now, and probably for the next forever...

     Well now that I have gotten all of that off of my chest, I think it is only right to share news of what is currently going on with the large cantaloupe occupying my body right now. We went 2 weeks ago to Fayetteville to see our MFM doc. We had another lllooonnnggg scan where we look at all things/parts Emerson and they conducted a biophysical profile on him. Basically this is a test they give to babies in utero  to asses their health. Dr. Bell likened it to the APGAR screenings they give newborns, but this is for unborns...hehe. It is usually given around 32-34 weeks and it looks at things like the fluid levels, how well they are breathing, their muscle tone and movement, and so on. Emerson apparently did very well. Out of a possible score of 8, Emerson scored an 8...so go Emerson! This was lovely information, but we already knew that their weren't really any problems with him, he has always been very healthy. The problems have been with me and his temporary 9 month home. He is also growing quite nicely. At 33 weeks 2 days he was "guestimated" to weigh 4lbs 8oz. Which they said was right on track and very average. All good news to us. We were released from the MFM doc to Dr. Bell! Woot! We do have to go in for another growth scan in a week to make sure he is still growing and doing well, but we get to do that in Dr. Bell's office. 

     In other news Emerson had also made the journey to being in the head down position. Which means my fears of having to have a scheduled c-section have temporarily been relieved! I will be having a big delivery discussion tomorrow with Dr. Bell at my appointment...trust me we have lots to discuss...including being put back on my blood thinner, Lovenox, after delivery...yuck!

     All in all it has been a pretty good final trimester for us, which we are so thankful for because the first two were not so enjoyable. We have around 4-5 weeks left(maybe fewer but we hope not) and it really seems crazy to think that in the next month we will most likely get to meet our little boy. We have waited for this day for over 2 years, and as much as I don't want to wish this last bit of pregnancy away(maybe I do a little) I am so ready to meet him! 

What's Happening with Baby E?

     So I know it has been a few weeks since I have really updated you all on the goings on inside of my hostile uterus...I feel like Meredith on Grey's when she is talking about how her uterus is all an angry and hostile place to be...that's me! I mean if we are thinking the actual process of birth will be traumatizing to E, think again. He has lived in perpetual state of hostility for the past 8 months! Anyway, I figure since I have some extra time on my hands, what with this ice day and all, it would be nice to update all of my friends, family, and prayer warriors on how things are looking for us now at 32 weeks. 

      Three weeks ago we visited the MFM doc in Fayetteville for our second appointment. We had a big long ultrasound, as per usual, and to our shock the super large hematoma, you know the one that had me on bed rest for 7 weeks, well it was completely GONE! I know right...gone as if all 9.5 cm of it had never been there all ugly and scary in the first place.  This, of course, was like the best news we could have hoped for. It made all the time sitting on my hind end away from my students, coworkers, and the rest of the world seem worth it. I mean that was the point of what felt like the never ending bed rest, to rid myself of this horrible bleed/clot whatever you want to call it, and it worked! Now, the hematoma is/was only one of the issues that we are "monitoring"(I like how doctors use that term: "We are just going to continue to monitor it closely") but it feels like a victory non the less.

     At this same appointment we got an approximate weight measurement for E. He was in the 45th percentile at 29 weeks weighing in right under 3lbs at 2lbs 14 oz. The doctor was very pleased with this information because one of our concerns is IUGR (inter-uterine growth restriction) which basically means he isn't getting what he needs whether it be nutrients, blood flow, space, etc that he needs to grow inside. In some cases they actually take the baby early because they would stand a better chance at growth outside the womb. This, thankfully, as of now is not a problem for us. We go next week for another scan and the MFM doc said if all looks good and he his still growing appropriately then he will release me to my regular OB for the duration and in his words "it should be smooth sailing." Should be...we hope. 

     I have been to see Dr. Bell a couple of time since this last MFM appointment and they have been your basic run of the mill OB appointments. We are really just keeping an eye out for symptoms of preeclampsia, since I am at increased risk for developing that because of the hematoma. So far no blood pressure issues or protein in my urine, which are two big signs of pre-e, so this is good. I see Dr. Bell next week again as well. 

     For now we are just taking it a day at a time and "monitoring" the situation the best that we can. We are so close to D-day I think all of us are starting to breathe a little easier, however, I will not be relaxed about any of this until I am holding him. 

     Every week that passes we are closer and closer to meeting our little boy and that is a very amazing thing for us. Even though I prayed and believed that this would happen for us someday, the fact that someday is most likely less than 8 weeks away hasn't really sank in to my mind yet...it seems unreal. We are truly thankful to have such a huge support system in all of you that take the time to read our blog and say a little prayer for us. Can't wait until little E is here and we can all celebrate together!

"Is This Your First?"

     So now that I have grown to a nice rounded size...this seems to be the question that I get asked a lot in passing, by you know, whoever. "Awww congratulations! Is this your first?" to which I smile and graciously say thank you and and yes. But, every time I answer yes to this question I immediately think to myself..NO! this is not your first! You see, it's not my first. Emerson is my fifth child. I have four other sweet babies, they just don't happen to reside here on this Earth with me. I think about them a lot more these days, especially since we are so close to getting to meet their brother. It is the most ridiculously bittersweet time in my life. I am so anxious to finally meet Emerson, but at the same time my heart still longs for those babies as well. I wonder what they would have looked like, if they were little boys or girls, who they would have become. I know that my questions will be answered someday when I see them in the arms of Jesus, but that doesn't stop me from wanting them to be here with me at times. 

     So I smile and I respond, "yes this is my first." even though I know in my heart I am already a mother four times over. I would never throw that out there in casual conversation "No actually it's my fifth, but the first I will bring home you see." I would never seek to catch a complete stranger off guard and feeling awkward having to digest that nugget of information. But somehow I felt the need to claim them, to speak out that they were once here, that I am their mother, and that someday I WILL know them. So...

"No this is not my first child. This is my fifth precious child. Four of my babies are resting safe in the arms of Jesus and someday Michael, myself, and Emerson will see and know them."